Game:Okédoké!/characters

A list of the various characters in the game, with a short description of them and the situation that leads to them joining your team (in the case of playable characters.)

Playable characters

El Garbanzo

A Mexican swordsman who always wears a hat and mask wherever he goes. His father went north of the border twenty years ago and then never came back; now, El Garbanzo is going to go to America in an attempt to figure out where his father went and why he hasn't been seen in twenty years. His full name is "Armando Francisco Jalapeño del Garbanzo," though he would prefer that people call him "El Garbanzo" instead. This is most likely because it's a lot easier to remember than his full name (and doesn't take forever to say.)

El Garbanzo's special techniques allow him to steal items and small amounts of money from his enemies. As he becomes stronger, he learns various new techniques, such as "Siesta" (in which he recovers HP by taking a short nap) and "Wind Slash" (which penetrates most defenses and can be aimed to hit all enemies at once.) Later on in the game, he will learn more powerful sword-related techniques, as well as a few to support his allies.

His Speed is higher than anyone else's, and his HP increases at a fast rate (though not nearly as fast as Señor Rialgo's.) However, his other stats increase very slowly when leveling up; the only way to provide him with large boosts to his stats is by giving him stronger equipment, as just a few levels will never make a very big difference.

Señor Rialgo

An incredibly large man who enjoys beating up thugs, gang members, and... well, just about anything he comes across. He's not too bright, but he does end up saving the lives of a lot of desert travelers who get attacked by thieves. He joins El Garbanzo's quest for the opportunity to meet new people (and beat them up) north of the border. When he was younger, he trained under one of the great masters of fart-combat at a place called the Green Wind Dragon dojo; it's rumored that his teacher was a Jamaican elf who was powerful enough to kick his ass despite the size difference between them.

Señor Rialgo has a rather crude sense of humor, which he uses in his attacks. Nearly all of his special techniques involve farting, from basic moves like "Pedo Fuego" (Flame Fart) all the way up to the mighty "Despegue" (Blastoff) and his signature move, "TraCero."

True to his appearance, Señor Rialgo is very large and very strong. He has the highest HP of all characters, and his already massive Strength, Defense, and Power stats steadily increase as he levels up. He is terribly slow, however, and not too bright; his Speed, Evade, and Wisdom stats are the lowest of all. His SP also grows at a very slow rate, making it easy to run out if you use his more powerful moves (especially the TraCero) too often. Unlike all other characters, his Wisdom will never increase without the aid of equipment.

Señor Death

The Mexican equivalent of the Grim Reaper, Señor Death watches over the lives of the Mexican people and has the power to sense whether or not they are alive, even if they are far north of the Mexican border. His reasons for joining El Garbanzo have not yet been revealed, though it has been mentioned that he knew El Garbanzo's father in the past and helped him cross the border through a hidden underground tunnel.

Señor Death's strengths lie in his magic; though his Reaper Scythe does a decent amount of damage against living opponents, it doesn't do so well against the undead, and some tougher enemies are barely scratched by it. He learns a wide variety of attacks as he levels up, learning spells which nauseate enemies, drain their life, or cut their HP by half with one attack in addition to more basic destructive spells.

As the "wizard" of the group, Señor Death's SP grows at an incredible rate, maxing out while Señor Rialgo's and El Garbanzo's are still barely into the double-digits. His Power and Wisdom also increase rapidly, causing his magic to become a bit stronger and more accurate almost every time he levels up. He is pretty frail, however; his HP grows very slowly, and his Attack and Defense are both fairly low and only increase slightly over time. He's also not very fast, though he easily outspeeds Señor Rialgo.

Schnee McBoobs

A mysterious girl who lives in a haunted house in the middle of nowhere. At first, it's not clear just whose side Schnee is on; after several more encounters with the girl, Señor Death is able to figure out exactly what's going on--Schnee has been testing their strength ever since they entered the haunted house, and she intends to join them. Apparently, her reason for joining the party is nothing more than boredom--she doesn't even know what the group's goal is at first, but assumes that it has to be more exciting than just sitting around in an old house all day.

Like Señor Death, Schnee's abilities revolve around her magic, though most of her spells are not very useful for directly attacking enemies. She is the only character who can heal allies without using an item, and she can even restore her allies' SP using the "Magic Kool-Aid" spell. Most of her other spells focus on disabling the enemy, such as "Magic Cuffs," which prevents the use of any attack that requires arm movement. Later in the game, she does eventually learn some damaging spells, though she remains focused on healing and defensive magic.

As far as stats go, Schnee is a bit of an oddball. Her HP starts out even lower than Señor Death's, but she quickly catches up to (and eventually surpasses) him. Her SP and Wisdom increase significantly as she levels up as well, though she never catches up with Señor Death in either stat. The rest of Schnee's stats work like El Garbanzo's--they will never increase much by leveling up, but can be boosted by more powerful equipment. She is also the second-fastest character in the game, outspeeding everyone but El Garbanzo.

The Border Rangers

The Border Patrol's last line of defense, these five relatively-normal people have the power to transform into masked, spandex-clad warriors known as the "Mighty Racist Border Rangers." Oddly, they seem to dress in a color-coded way even when not in their Border Ranger outfits, making it easy for anyone who spots them to figure out which Border Ranger is which on sight.

Border Red

The leader of the Border Rangers, he's never seen without his cowboy hat, even when in his transformed state. His neck is as red as his spandex uniform, and he speaks with a strong Southern accent. In battle, he uses a handgun and a whip; apparently, he's a fan of Indiana Jones. As the fast and relatively balanced leader and the only one who always wears a hat, the Red Ranger could be said to be the equivalent of El Garbanzo.

Border Blue

The only actual policeman among the Border Rangers' ranks, he is also the oldest member of the team, serving in the Border Patrol for years before finally becoming a Border Ranger. In battle, he wields two police batons; he also carries snack food and beer with him at all times, in case he gets worn out and needs to eat or drink something to pick him up. He used to be the second-toughest Border Ranger, but after years of too many donuts and too little exercise, he's gotten out of shape and dropped into third place. Rumor has it that his real name is "Frank."

Border Green

The youngest member of the team, the Green Ranger is a teenage skater punk with a ridiculous haircut who dropped out of high school in his junior year. In battle, he shreds around on his skateboard, making him the fastest of the Border Rangers. He's not especially strong, though, and goes down almost as fast as the wimpy Pink Ranger.

Border Pink

A disgusting whore who thinks she's the most attractive member of the team, even though nobody else agrees with her. She also happens to be the weakest Border Ranger, mainly because she spends too much time buying clothes, fiddling with her Myspace page, and talking on her cellphone. Unlike the other Border Rangers, who only want to prevent illegal immigration, she actually seems to live up to the title of "Mighty Racist Border Ranger"--she refers to Mexicans as "dirty little wetbacks" and hopes to kill them quickly, so she doesn't miss any big sales at the mall.

Border Yellow

The second-toughest member of the Border Rangers, she has incredible strength to match her incredible size. She is easily distracted, and is more concerned with food than she is with her duties as a Border Ranger. The Yellow Ranger could be said to be the equivalent of Señor Rialgo, as both are large, strong, not-too-bright people who get confused easily and eat a lot; they even share a fart-propelled buttslam attack. Perhaps they both studied under the same master of fart-combat at some earlier point in their lives?

Gangsters

As El Garbanzo and company travel across Mexico and the United States, they must cross the territory of several gangs. The following are the leaders of those gangs, which you will inevitably have to fight if you wander too far into gang turf.

Big Daddy

A drug-trafficking gangster who operates out of northern Mexico, near El Garbanzo's village. He is usually seen with a gang of black-clad, sombrero-wearing thugs, and likes to mug travelers in the desert in order to build up a stash of cash. He thinks he's a really tough hombre, but he's nothing compared to even the weakest gangs north of the border in Wrongside.

Master Og

The boss of the Cavemen, one of the four gangs that rule the city of Wrongside, Texas. Og and his Cavemen are some of the most feared gangsters in Wrongside, and he has a reputation for being the second-toughest among the gang bosses. In battle, he wields a massive club in one hand and an AK-47 in the other, both good examples of the simple-but-reliable weaponry that the Cavemen prefer.

Daddy G

The boss of the Geckos, one of the four gangs that rule the city of Wrongside, Texas. Though the Geckos are known as the toughest and wealthiest gang in Wrongside, their leader is somewhat lacking in strength. He attempts to make up for that by constantly running on a treadmill and always fighting alongside several of his flunkies, rather than taking on enemies by himself. He's deathly afraid of Master Og, and would kill to keep that little bit of information from being spread around.

Mr. Green

The boss of the Ninjas, one of the four gangs that rule the city of Wrongside, Texas. In fact, he is the only true ninja in the entire Ninjas gang; the others are just wannabes without adequate training. It's not known why he always wears a hat and trenchcoat, though it's suspected that he does it to conceal his identity. Some say he once lived in a sewer and belonged to a much smaller (but much more dangerous) gang, though the source of these rumors is unknown.

Cap'n Crunch

The boss of the Pirates, one of the four gangs that rule the city of Wrongside, Texas. Crunch is the most powerful of all the gang bosses, wielding a mighty spoon and the power to summon forth bizarre entities known as "Crunchberries" to protect him. He claims that he is called "Crunch" because that's what he does to the bones of his enemies, denying any connection to the cereal industry.

The Grand Poobah

The boss of the Amish, the last gang left in New Hamster after all the previous gangs were busted and cleaned out by the cops. He is fairly powerful, probably even more so than most (if not all) of the Wrongside gang bosses. Despite the Grand Poobah's strength in one-on-one combat, he always enters fights with several of his Amish followers by his side, and will call in more to replace them if they are defeated.

The US Government

Though it's more than likely that the entire government isn't in on it, there certainly do seem to be a lot of suspicious characters who claim to work for the United States, and several of them will end up interfering with El Garbanzo's quest.

Sarah Palin

The governor of Alaska. She wears excessive amounts of red lipstick, says nonsensical things, and giggles a lot, creeping out anyone unfortunate enough to be near her. She also seems to have command over a strange form of magic, though exactly how it works is unknown. For some reason, she has been seen around the city of New Hamster, Pennsylvania a lot recently...

Captain Racist

A tall, orange-eyed masked man wearing long, red robes. He appears to have some connection to the Ku Klux Klan, and has apparently been seen hanging around in New Hamster with Sarah Palin and the President of the United States... what is his true identity?

George W. Bush

The President of the United States of America. President Bush, also known as "Dubya," has been seen in the area of New Hamster, Pennsylvania recently, hanging around with such suspicious characters as Sarah Palin and Captain Racist. It's also rumored that he was the one who originally established the Border Rangers, and that he was the team's Red Ranger many years ago.

Dick Cheney

The Vice-President of the United States of America. Dick Cheney (full name Dickolas G. Cheney) seems to only be alive thanks to a large number of cybernetic enhancements, and may in fact be more machine than man. Whereas Bush and Palin appear to be unarmed, Cheney is rarely seen without his trusty shotgun, and he refers to everyone he is about to shoot as "quails."

The Swarm

A group of young girls who El Garbanzo and company may encounter at a certain point in the game. Their goals are somewhat unclear, and you get a sense that their full story has not yet been told...

Meghan

Physically the weakest member of the Swarm, though she is fairly quick and has a good deal of magical power. She fights using a boomerang, though she may also attempt to distract her opponents by making goofy faces. She is capable of using mind-altering magic as well as that which generates bolts of lightning, weakening her opponents' defenses by lowering their Wisdom before striking.

Lauren

A member of the Swarm who's physically tougher than most of her friends. She seems to have an unusual obsession with yogurt, to the point where all of her magical attacks are yogurt-based in one way or another. Just because yogurt magic sounds silly doesn't mean it isn't still a threat, however--her "Expiration Date" technique in particular is extremely dangerous, and some of her other yogurt spells can pin down even someone as strong as Señor Rialgo.

Smoop

Full name Sarah Moop, this Swarm member goes by a shortened name in order to avoid any confusion with the other Sarah. Smoop has magic which messes with plants and the weather, making her able to both freeze and roast her enemies as well as causing trees to rapidly grow beneath their feet and slam into them for massive damage. She also seems to have attracted the attention of smelly creatures known as Turdlings, who obsessively follow her everywhere and obey her commands.

Nancos

Full name Sarah Nancos Fartbean, she goes by her middle name to avoid any confusion with the other Sarah. She can usually be found talking on her cellphone, though exactly who she's talking to is unknown. Unlike the others, she does not appear to know magic, instead relying mostly on her skill with the unusual "Awkward Edge" sword that she wields. She is also capable of spitting up blobs of toxic green goop, known as "Scum." Nancos seems to know more about Bridget's plans than the others, though she won't reveal anything more to those who ask.

Bridget

This tall, red-haired girl seems to be the leader of the Swarm. Bridget plots from her throne on the top floor of Swarm Tower in the Creepy Pine Forest, directing the actions of the other Swarm members. She has access to incredibly powerful magic (particularly of the fire- and lightning-elemental variety) but is also inhumanly strong and fast, capable of easily shredding weaker opponents with her razor-sharp claws.

Criminals

Jackson Hoorvees

A serial killer who is serving multiple life imprisonment sentences in Pukadonna Federal Penitentiary. Jackson always wears a hockey mask and carries a large machete, even when he's hanging around in his prison cell. He doesn't seem to be very talkative, unless grunts and roars count. Whereas the other criminals locked away in Pukadonna are (relatively) normal, Jackson is actually an undead being of some sort, though the exact story of how he ended up in such a state is unknown.

The Smoker

A violent criminal mastermind from Gothspam City, New Jersey who is currently serving multiple life imprisonment sentences in Pukadonna Federal Penitentiary. True to his name, his teeth are permanently stained yellow and he always has a disgusting stench hanging around him. He hates when people don't recognize him, and in his twisted mind, all the world's problems are somehow linked to someone named "Buttman."

Osama bin Laden

The infamous leader of the al-Qaida terrorist group who has been operating out of a cave system somewhere in Afghanistan... or so we thought. It turns out that he was caught a few years back and has been recording threatening videos from a fake desert set up in his cell at Pukadonna Federal Penitentiary. Somebody on eBay would pay a buttload if the toilet from his prison cell ever went up for auction.

Rolex

A lesser-known criminal who seems to have an overinflated ego, claiming himself to be the strongest despite the fact that even Señor Rialgo (who is notoriously bad at sensing other people's powers) can tell that he's kind of a chump. He named himself after a brand of expensive watches, apparently thinking that it was "cool" and "creative" to do so. He apparently does have some strange powers of unknown origin, though he is simply too weak to make effective use of them (especially when faced with such powerful opponents as El Garbanzo and company.)

Other characters

An assortment of other characters that you'll meet along your journey, most of which are on your side in one way or another. Though it would be nice to have five party members occasionally, these guys unfortunately won't be getting directly involved in the battles that El Garbanzo and company must face. Or at least, not very often and not for very long.

The "Wizdum Guy"

A mysterious, bearded old man who dwells in the "Place of Wizdum," sitting in a small wooden booth and providing vague but important nuggets of advice to anyone willing to pay the price of a few dozen pesos which he demands. To those who seek true wizdum, his assistance is far more valuable than mere currency.

Mr. T

A legendary warrior who has been traveling across the country a lot lately, reminding all the kids to stay in school, drink their milk, and stay away from gangs and drugs. While he was visiting the city of Wrongside, someone stole his trademark gold chains, and now he's traveling across the entire country to find them. He pities the fool who stole all his chains, and he's gonna throw that fool helluva far if he finds 'em!

Sora

A scrawny teenager with spiky hair and awkwardly oversized shoes, he wields a strange weapon known as a "Keyblade." He seems a bit out of place here. Where in the world would you find such a strange individual...?

Gwee McBoobs

Schnee's brother, who works at an auto repair shop just outside the city of New Hamster. Whereas Schnee is a witch, her brother Gwee has always been more of a mad scientist--with just a bottle of Mountain Dew and a satellite dish, he's able to install a shield generator into a Volkswagen van. It seems that unusual abilities must run in the McBoobs family...

Flavor Flav

Like Mr. T, Flavor Flav had his trademark bling stolen from him when he was traveling across the country recently. Unlike Mr. T, however, the loss of his clock has sent him into hiding, afraid to face the world without the emotional support of the massive timepiece-on-a-chain.

Fartmaster Dilan

The master of the Green Wind Dragon dojo, Dilan has trained in the art of farting for many years and now teaches those skills to his students. He is a Jamaican elf, as you can see from his combination of pointed ears and dreadlocks. Years ago, Señor Rialgo studied under him and was considered his star pupil... but can he ever master Dilan's signature move, the dreaded Wind of Despair?

Captain Scud

A mysterious, black-cloaked, goggle-wearing man whose true identity is unknown. He and his buddies (who also wear black cloaks) run the XIII Strip Club in New Hamster, and Captain Scud will trade powerful items to anyone who has collected enough XIII Tokens from various places around the city. He may give a significant discount to those carrying a certain rare item.

The Burger King

Millennia-old monarch of the otherworldly Burger Kingdom. His face is always frozen in the same goofy grin, but don't let his appearance fool you--the Burger King is both a wise ruler and unimaginably powerful.

Alejandro

El Garbanzo's long-lost father, whose full name is "Alejandro San Pedro del Garbanzo." His hair has grayed and his features have hardened after twenty long years of imprisonment, but he is immediately recognized by his son when they finally meet. Despite his advanced age, Alejandro's speed, strength, and reflexes are still far beyond the level of an average human. He's also a pretty good driver, especially considering that he hasn't been behind the wheel in decades.

The Mayor of Beaverfoot

The eccentric mayor of a snowy little Canadian town called Beaverfoot, he has an unusual obsession with Jeopardy!-style quiz games and the greenish sugary beverage known as Mountain Dew. Considering some of the questions and answers in his quiz, it seems like he knows a lot more about things going on in the world than you would expect from an ordinary town mayor... there may be more to him than meets the eye.

Ielerai

A mysterious woman dressed up in a maid's outfit, possessing powerful ice-elemental magic. What could her role in the story be?

???????

A girl wandering in the forest south of Beaverfoot who appears to only be able to speak the language of goats, not understanding a word of English. She has various unusual powers and can summon goats to her aid if forced into a combat situation.