Application for Hamster Republic Citizenship
Are you wondering how you can become a citizen of the Hamster Republic?
Contents
Do I Have to Be A Hamster?[edit]
Although the Hamster Republic was founded upon the principles of the Hamsterization Movement, we understand the importance of all-inclusiveness, and accept immigrants of all species, whether you be Hamster or Human, Puppy or Pooka. We even accept dang filthy cats!
Becoming a Citizen[edit]
The Hamster Republic is an Anarchist Crypto-Meritocracy, and as such, it has absolutely no laws regarding citizenship, and the laws that it does have regarding citizenship are strictly secret. However, here are a few general guidelines.
Hamster Loyalty Oath (And Dance)[edit]
The words of the Hamster Loyaty Oath, are of course, secret. Citizens are encouraged to write their own oath, and try to guess approximately what the real oath might be likely to say. Hamster Republic political scholars generally agree that this approach is "Good Enough".
Every citizen must recite the oath loudly in a public place in the presence of people who have no idea what the oath is about. 100 Bonus-Citizen-Hamster-Points are awarded to anyone who also performs the Happy Hamster Wiggle Dance while reciting the oath. Like the oath, the steps of this dance are a closely guarded secret, but you can rest assured that it involves a lot of butt-wiggling.
Hamsterization Examination[edit]
Every citizen must take a hamsterization examination to make sure that they are suitable citizens. Although originally, this test was secret, so many prospective citizens have leaked copies of it to the internet that we have given up on keeping it under wraps. Full text will be posted here shortly.
The above questions should be transcribed by hand onto rice-paper using non-toxic ink. Answer all questions completely. Do not skip any. For multiple choice questions, fill in the correct bubble completely. When more than one correct answer applies, fill in all of them. You may use additional rice paper to answer the essay questions if you feel it is necessary. There is no time limit.
After you are finished, fold the test in thirds and place it under your pillow. It will be remotely graded overnight through telepathy. Your score will be delivered to you via cledonomancy as interpreted from the first thing someone says to you the following day.
After you have received your score, eat your test to prevent it from falling into enemy hands. (Which is why it is so important to use non-toxic ink on rice paper. A little peanut butter and a glass of milk will really help it go down smoothly)
Territorial Annexation[edit]
The final step of Hamsterization is to take up residence in the Hamster Republic. Physically moving is often inconvenient for citizens, so you may find it easiest to simply annex your home as an enclave of the Hamster Republic. Most governments strongly disapprove of separatists, so we suggest that you continue paying your taxes and obeying the laws of your original country to avoid suspicion.
What Next?[edit]
The rewards of Hamster Republic Citizenship are many. The loving support of your fellow Hamsters. The admiration of non-citizens in awe of your Hamster-dancing skills. The comforting security of a government that doesn't have or enforce any laws (that you know about). The warm fuzzy feeling you get inside from knowing you belong. (or maybe that is indigestion from the six pages of essay-question answers you swallowed last week?)
